Friday, January 1, 2016

What's it like in my mind.

So, here we are. Once again drained of energy and irritable. I have to retreat into a fantasy world where only I exist and have control. A world hidden from the sounds, trivium, and stress of what neuro-typical people call "reality".

I recently (as in about two minutes ago) discovered a series of videos with similar titles along the lines of "What is it like to have Aspergers". I decided that it would be easier for me to explain in words. These videos basically depict what it is like for someone on the spectrum to deal with the sensory input that exists in our world. It's incredibly difficult for me to listen to these videos due to the massive amount of sensory input they give off. It almost makes me physically ill.

As an example of what it's like for me: I am sitting in my room alone with the door shut. It is approximately One in the morning. No one is awake except for me. I am aware of each breath I take. I can hear the humming of the furnace, my brother shifting in his bed in the other room. I am insanely aware of the keystrokes and fan of my computer  and the creak of the processor as I type this. I can hear a cat slinking across the floor towards the water bowl over my head.  I can hear the a car driving by the mail box. The furnace just turned off. I can hear a cat's claw getting stuck in the carpet.

All this is happening, not to mention my own thoughts that I are whirling like a dervish around my brain.

This may seem normal but for some people being able to pick out distinct sounds in the silence of the night. But for me these sounds are so clear and distinct to me that it's hard for me to fall asleep. I have to play music to drown out the ambient noise and my own thoughts.

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