Crazy

I must be insane. For my whole life, I've refused to conform to societies pre-conceived notions of reality and what is acceptable. I saw no need to dress "in-style". No need to force my beliefs on anyone. I spoke my mind, and didn't care what people thought of me. I tell things how I see them. I am brutally honest. I notice the small things, like the smell in the air, the sounds that surround me, the texture of my seat, the tastes of the food I'm eating. I don't bother with petty social situations and small talk.

I create worlds, places, and landscapes. But I don't consider myself a god in anyway because those worlds, have their own gods. I simply gave life to something, out of nothing. I am in no way divine. I create languages that have never and probably won't ever be spoken out loud. I disappear into worlds that solely exist in my mind and in the billions of words I write.

I want to share these worlds but no one wants to visit them. So I become frustrated and upset. I become angry, because I see people with "less interesting and detailed" worlds have others flock to visit. What's so special about those places that mine doesn't possess? I don't really know.

Alienation is the product of non-acceptance. Most days I feel alienated because of how I think or speak, and thus, the cycle of rage and frustration continues. I don't understand why things happen or why people think the things they do. I get angry because no one sees what I see. I think they are all blinded by "what is socially acceptable"; so worried about what is appropriate or what is taboo, that they miss all of the small yet important things in the world.

Thus I must be crazy; because I refuse to conform to societies pre-conceived notions of reality and what is acceptable. I see no need to dress how everyone else does. I speak my mind, and don't care what people think of me. I tell things how I see them. Autism is my super power.

So many songs express these emotions...

Oingo Boingo- "On the Outside"
"They laugh at me out loud, they say I'm just a clown
That I ain't got no ride, I'm on the outside
The girls look really cute, they really make it work
They think I'm just a jerk, I'm on the outside"

The Beatles- "Nowhere Man"
"He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody"

"Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?"

Joan Jett- "Misunderstood"
"It was hard to get along when I was still in school
I never meant to do no wrong but I broke all the rules
An' I was prone to non-conformin', but what harm did I do?
I could see the world was crazy an' I was crazy too
Misunderstood with no one I could tell
Misunderstood by people I know well!"

Dream Theater- "Solitary Shell"
"He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy's pride and joy"

"As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
but in every other way he was fine"

"He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time"