Crazy

I must be insane. For my whole life, I've refused to conform to societies pre-conceived notions of reality and what is acceptable. I saw no need to dress "in-style". No need to force my beliefs on anyone. I spoke my mind, and didn't care what people thought of me. I tell things how I see them. I am brutally honest. I notice the small things, like the smell in the air, the sounds that surround me, the texture of my seat, the tastes of the food I'm eating. I don't bother with petty social situations and small talk.

I create worlds, places, and landscapes. But I don't consider myself a god in anyway because those worlds, have their own gods. I simply gave life to something, out of nothing. I am in no way divine. I create languages that have never and probably won't ever be spoken out loud. I disappear into worlds that solely exist in my mind and in the billions of words I write.

I want to share these worlds but no one wants to visit them. So I become frustrated and upset. I become angry, because I see people with "less interesting and detailed" worlds have others flock to visit. What's so special about those places that mine doesn't possess? I don't really know.

Alienation is the product of non-acceptance. Most days I feel alienated because of how I think or speak, and thus, the cycle of rage and frustration continues. I don't understand why things happen or why people think the things they do. I get angry because no one sees what I see. I think they are all blinded by "what is socially acceptable"; so worried about what is appropriate or what is taboo, that they miss all of the small yet important things in the world.

Thus I must be crazy; because I refuse to conform to societies pre-conceived notions of reality and what is acceptable. I see no need to dress how everyone else does. I speak my mind, and don't care what people think of me. I tell things how I see them. Autism is my super power.

So many songs express these emotions...

Oingo Boingo- "On the Outside"
"They laugh at me out loud, they say I'm just a clown
That I ain't got no ride, I'm on the outside
The girls look really cute, they really make it work
They think I'm just a jerk, I'm on the outside"

The Beatles- "Nowhere Man"
"He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody"

"Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?"

Joan Jett- "Misunderstood"
"It was hard to get along when I was still in school
I never meant to do no wrong but I broke all the rules
An' I was prone to non-conformin', but what harm did I do?
I could see the world was crazy an' I was crazy too
Misunderstood with no one I could tell
Misunderstood by people I know well!"

Dream Theater- "Solitary Shell"
"He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy's pride and joy"

"As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
but in every other way he was fine"

"He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time"

What I Really Want For My 21st Birthday

This year, 2015, marks the date of my twenty-first birthday. Now, the twenty-first birthday is a major thing here in the United States because once you turn twenty-one you can finally drink alcohol. Normally, when someone turns twenty-one they celebrate by having a pub-crawl or something related to booze. But since I'm not "normal"(we've discussed this already), I don't want to do something like that.

What I would really, really, really, really, like for my twenty-first birthday, is for all of my friends to watch a series of videos. It's simple. It costs nothing, except for the cost of your internet bill, and probably won't take a long time to do. Definitely much shorter that having a party or something like that. It would mean so much to me, if they could watch these videos that I will be embedding below. I will also include my own thoughts on the subject of the video. I would also like my friends to let me know that they watched all the videos. Either by commenting or liking the Facebook post, or message me.

Enjoy! :)

Rosie King. This is one of the first videos I have shared to death. It describes what it's like to be autistic.



Amythest Schaber is another person I have discovered, probably through my mum. In fact the majority of these videos will be by her.



This is the first video I think I saw of Amythest. It really hits home because I've had so many of these things said to me. One of the things I absolutely hate hearing is "Let it go" or "Grow up" or "Welcome to being an adult" or something to that effect. To me saying anything similar to the phrases I listed means you are dismissing the fact that I have an issue with something or someone. And because of this, It makes me hold onto whatever I have a problem with even tighter. It also makes me very upset, because I came to you with something that is bothering me, I trusted you to try an help me work through it, and you basically laughed at my issue and dismissed it as not an issue.

As for my special interests, I love Vikings, Scotland, Hardboiled Noir, Westerns, Science Fiction, World War II... Huh... interesting, those are all the things I write about or own RPGs based on these things...


This is something my parent's have experienced numerous times. Mostly due to stress. She speaks of some videos that simulate Sensory Overload. The one that I feel is the best, or closest to how I feel when going places. Watch that video here.



This is something that I think I've been going through in the past few months. Continuous dark thoughts, depression, contemplating suicide, rage, etc.


Stimming. Here is something most of my friends don't see, because I'm afraid that I'm going to be laughed at or made the center of attention... One way I stim is to gnaw or chew on something, a guitar pick, pencil, or whatever I happen to find in my pockets. Another thing is to fiddle with my lighter. I have a Zippo and I love the sound it makes when it opens. That plink! click! plink! click is so satisfying. I also flap when I get incredibly excited. Like when I watched the Star Wars Episode 7 Teasers, I was like an excited little bird. Music also is something I use to stim. Either I play music, or listen to music really loud. I know there are even more things I do to stim, but I can't think of it right now.



I don't really say this stuff out loud, or if I do it's under my breath, for the same reason I don't stim in public really. There are several phrases I often use to soothe myself. "Valar Morgullis/Valar Dohaeris", "Shotgun", "The night is dark and full of terrors", "Buttons! Ooh! I love buttons!", "It was a dark night in a city that knows now to keep it's secrets",  "Protect me cone!" along with several other things. A lot of these are quotes from A Song of Ice and Fire, or Red Vs. Blue.



 I seriously think out every social situation down to possible words to use in sentences. Because then I have a way to "predict" what might happen.


Sometimes it happens... sometimes it doesn't


Thank you for reading, watching and listening.

The Lightsaber Duel (An Essay)

The lightsaber. An elegant weapon, from a more civilized age. It is the weapon of a Jedi Knight and Sith Lords alike. Though nothing beats a good blaster at your side. It is an iconic image of the Star Wars Saga. I bet I could show a picture of a lightsaber to someone random joe on the street and they would know what it was and probably me able to imitate the sound.

Now let's take a look at the lightsaber duel. I'm not talking about the über flashy duels of the Prequel Trilogy, but I'm talking about the duels from the Original Trilogy, Episodes IV-VI. Now I'm by no means a master swordsman, but I've done research, however rudimentary, into fencing and sword techniques, and let's just say I've noticed a few things.

Let's start with the Ben vs. Vader duel from "A New Hope". The duel isn't very energetic or fast; most likely due to the Graflex illuminated blades, and also because a lightsaber was supposed to be an incredibly heavy weapon. But it's obvious to me, where the inspiration for the choreography comes from; 14th-16th Century Longsword Fencing.ROLL THE FILM!


Alright, so they are holding the hilt of the saber with both hands in the standard Longsword grip (See Right). They work in the Triangular foot work pattern, which is a standard martial art stance, at least to my knowledge.

 I know that the lightsaber is basically a Space Katana... but when you look at the measurements of the lightsaber (From Wookiepedia)

• Hilt: Usually 24-30 cm (9-12 in)
• Blade: Usually 145 cm (57in)

And then the measurement of a 15th- 16th Century longsword (From Wikipedia).

• Total: avg. 100–130 cm (39–51 in)
• Blade: avg. 90–110 cm (35–43 in)

Pretty similar, wouldn't you say. Though a note about the blade length given by Wookiepedia, I own a Master Replica's Force FX lightsaber, and I can tell you the blade is not 57 inches. It's actually ~36 inches, which in turn matches up with my Cold Steel Hand-and-a-Half Practice Sword, which is essentially a 15th-16th Century Longsword.

On to the "The Empire Strikes Back" and the climax of the film, where Luke squares off with Vader for the first time. Lights please!


Again we see the standard longsword grip from Luke. But Vader switches back and forth between the two handed grip and swinging his saber with a single hand. I think this was done to show that Vader was the significantly better swordsman. This is my absolute favorite duel of the series. Especially with that big reveal at the end. The image to the right is taken from a fencing manual displaying a fencer using a buckler.






Now to "Return of the Jedi"

At this point I've already covered most of the similarities that I see between Lightsaber Fencing and Longsword fencing. But I wanted to mention at 4:09 in this duel Luke uses a stance which looks very similar to the Ox Guard of the German Longsword Fencing Manual, as depicted in the images to the right.

"This was the formal weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. More skill than simple sight was required for its use. An elegant weapon. It was a symbol as well. Anyone can use a blaster or a fusioncutter—but to use a lightsaber well was a mark of someone a cut above the ordinary."
―Obi-Wan Kenobi

(Online) Dating

Lo! Here we have one of the most baffling, bewildering, complicated, perplexing and upsetting thing ever, dating and relationships.

Dating is fucking bizarre. Since I don't enjoy going to bars or anywhere with a lot of people, the whole thing of meeting new people doesn't really happen. Even if I see someone attractive at the coffee shop or at my friends store, how do I approach them? What do I say? How do I begin a conversation? So, instead of becoming stressed, I just keep my mouth shut and absorb myself into whatever I was doing at the time. After a while I decided to take up online dating. It had to be easier than actually meeting people in person. Right?

WRONG! Online dating is even more complicated and confusing. At least the way I see it. You are plunged into a world of arbitrary statements, self-advertising, answering stupid questions so that you can be "matched" with someone who is "compatible".

So here is something that is part of the Profile, "You should message me if:". This section is filled with statements like, "If you can grow a beard", "If you aren't an asshole", "If you have tattoos", and numerous other autocratic statements. How do you know if you aren't an asshole? Search me.

Another thing I've noticed. People keep saying they want honesty in a potential mate. Believe me when I say, "I am over qualified to fill that position." I have some restraint after years of getting into trouble for simply telling things how they are.

I've been on Ok Cupid for about a two years now, and Plenty of Fish for just about 7-8 months, with little to show for it. I've gone on a few dates, but they've never really lead anywhere.

I keep having acquaintances and friends tell me that I'm interesting, or I'm attractive. Well... They're obviously lying. Because according to my success rate in dating in general, I am the most hideously, ugly, horrible, monstrous, repulsive being on the planet. Yeah, I'm not buff, "swoll", or even thin. I know I'm a overweight, and am taking steps to rectify that.

So If anyone has the answer to that ever elusive enigma that is dating.... GIMME! Because I'm sick of this whole fumbling charade I keep playing.

Cynicism and "Busy"

As I've stepped away from adolescence and into adulthood, I've noticed something. I have become increasingly cynical towards the world and my life. I theorize that this is the direct reaction to a series of events that have happened in the past few years. Bad breakups, constant rejection, confusion, frustration and numerous other things.

As an Aspie I already have trouble with, for lack of a better word, "things". Things I have already mentioned in previous posts, that I don't feel the need to go into again. 

While I talk to people, I put on a mask, a facade, a veneer, a frontage, a bluff, so that I may appear, okay, fine, alright, not wanting to break down and cry like a little baby because I just cant handle everything that is going on in my life right now and I just wish it would stop for just a second so I can catch my breath and organize my thoughts. It's kind of like that Smokey Robinson and the Miracles song, "The Tracks of My Tears". I smile, I joke, and I laugh, but really, I just wish someone would take the time to realize that I'm sobbing inside.

I've often asked myself, "Would anyone miss me if I just disappeared for a little while?" The obvious answer is, well my parents and family would notice. But what I really want to know is, would any of my "friends" notice (Friends is in quotations here, to express the emotion of cynical doubt that I have been feeling recently). Would they even bother to take a few moments from their busy life to ask, "Where is Galen? He was here a second ago." My summation? I don't know, they appear to be so busy with their lives that they hardly have time to read one of my posts, or watch that six minute video, or read that short little story I sent them, or listen to an idea that I have. That is my belief, formed from perpetual observation, and I'm going to stick by it until someone corrects me. 

This brings me to another thing I've been hearing recently, "I'm sorry I can't. I'm really busy," or some other variation of the statement. 

Yes. I don't have a full-time job. But not for lack of trying. Even though I might not have a job or get a steady paycheck, DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT BUSY! Seriously. I am busy writing, drawing, writing, reading, painting, writing, watching a favorite television program, gaming, visting Iswed or Heimurinn or Fawrion, playing music, exploring internet, or writing. These things all occupy my precious time and just because they are typically considered "pastimes" or "hobbies" doesn't make them "non-busy-making". Just because I'm busy with things that I enjoy, not a soul-sucking wage slave job that makes me want to do nothing more than get wasted out of my mind when I get home, does not make me Not-Busy.

Side Note: I wouldn't say I'm typical. So of course things typically referred to as "pastimes" and "hobbies" probably shouldn't apply to an Atypical. If I'm willing to take the time out of my precious time to read something you post, or ask me to listen to an idea, or what ever. You should take the time to look at my things.

Now I understand that people actually are busy. No quotations this time. I completely understand that you have to make money to pay the rent and bills. I get it! I really do! But when you've heard "I can't, I'm busy," with no explanation, for the 10,000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000th time (Exaggeration), it becomes tiresome and feels like a cop out.

I'm sick of One-shot Adventures: A Rant

Okay. Context! Here's how it is. I've been playing tabletop RPGs now for about 6 years. I began on the idea of a group of people getting together every weekend or every other weekend to play an campaign. We slayed dragons, defeated the drow, killed the goblins and stole their shoes, and numerous other shenanigans...

After a while the group fell apart after about a year and a half, as was expected. I started another group that fell apart after breakups and real-life happened. 

It was about half a year afterwards which I discovered Pathfinder, published by Paizo, and Pathfinder Society. I was involved with PFS for about two years until I started to become bored of the drop-in/drop-out style. Don't get me wrong. I love Pathfinder, but I'd rather play in a Non-Society environment. 

I discovered D&D Encounters, There I could play a similar style game to Pathfinder, but we typically had the same group of folks at the same table every week. I loved it! It was fantastic! I ran several seasons, with the same players, though there were some drop-ins and drop-outs. The story was interesting and easy to prep. But again once the group began to grow and with the fluctuating player attendance, I began to grow weary... This coupled with my extreme dislike of one of the regulars lead to my attendance rate dropping to once in a blue moon.

It just appears to me that a lot of people in the groups have been only introduced to the drop-in/drop-out style of Organized Play. When I bring up a setting that I really really really want to play, or has been festering in my mind for a while, most people seem really interested, but as soon as I bring up an ongoing campaign of 2+ sessions, everyone gets cold feet! What?! 

Now I understand people have jobs and real-life to deal with, and I'm willing to work around that. 

Since I can't seem to get people to commit to a game, I'm forced to write down the adventures I want to GM into story format. I actually explained a setting to one of my friends and their response was "Ooh that sounds cool! When are we going to play that?"

My response? "Well, we aren't." Reason: Because I brought it up before and no one wanted to commit to a campaign so I went and made my own characters, and wrote the story I wanted to tell... (I still am writing that story)

It's so frustrating to go through the incessant cycle of one-shots were I am handed a character sheet and then after the game is over, I never see that character again! I love to develop characters, give them backstory, really get into their head... but in a one-shot? Ha! yeah that's not going to happen.

I Wish I Could Tell Her...

So there is this girl. She's absolutely wonderful, charming, and funny. Every time I talk to her I feel myself falling for her more and more. She's caused something to happen in my mind, that I don't really have words for.

It's a warmness, a fluttering... I feel like she just understands me. Like I don't have to wear that mask that I wear for so many of the people around me; though sometimes I'm not so sure which version of me actually is the mask.

I feel this other emotion too... Fright, terror, fear... I don't know if it's because of a slew of bad relationships, or if I'm just scared of change. It makes me feel like one wrong step, one minor mistake and everything will come crashing down around me, leaving me to clean up the rubble of another failed attempt to build something good.

It makes me feel like damaged goods. As if I'm not good enough for anyone... How could anyone love me when I've been broken, left out in the rain, shoved to the back of the closet, stowed in the attic, left to gather dust... Forgotten. I'm so scared that I can't help but apologize about every possible tiny mistake. Pathetic.

I'm scared to tell her all this... because what if she thinks that I'm not worth trying to fix. What if I'm broken beyond repair?  Classic stories men are supposed to be brave, we are supposed to fight off the dragon, and save the princess... But there are rarely stories about men who get saved... I want to be strong... I want to be brave...

But I can't. I'm a scared little child, crouched in the corner weeping. So scared of the real world, that I hide in made up places until the storm stops blowing. She makes me want to be brave... Because I see that she needs help too... She's just like me... Different minded... Strange... Weird... Aspergers.

The more I feel like hiding in the corner, the more I want to venture out. The more afraid that I'm broken, the more I want to prove I'm not. The more I think that I'm not worthy for such a wonderful human being, the more I want to try for it...

I don't know what it is... But every time we talk, I feel like nothing is wrong. Like things will work out... I think she's beautiful, even when she doesn't wear makeup and wears a hoodie... Before I fall asleep I can't help thinking what it would feel like to fall asleep next to her; what it would feel like to cradle her in my arms... When she's upset, I feel even worse... I keep finding myself listening to Bryan Adams... My stomach is full of butterflies every time I see her...

I wish I could tell her all these things...

Star Wars is Dieselpunk, and Here's Why.

So after finding out someone close to me hasn't seen Star Wars (I know, right?), I had the urge to go back and watch the Original Trilogy. While watching I began to notice that the films have a distinct "Dieselpunk" style. Probably due to the films drawing inspiration from Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers.

Now for those of you asking... What is Dieselpunk?

We are all familiar with Steampunk, is a post-modern design aesthetic based around the Victorian Era technology. Steam Engines, Tesla Coils, Giant Airships, Ornithopters, Gears, Aether, and Alchemy. Basically the Victorian idea of the future(i.e. H.G. Wells and Jules Verne's writing). Steampunk

focuses on themes of the day, such as Imperialism, Exploration, and Industrialization.

Cyberpunk

Many of us are also familiar with Cyberpunk. A dystopian look at the future, embodying the idea of "Low-life, High Tech". Created in the 1980's when personal computers were coming into their own, and the punk rock movement was in full swing. Themes of cyberpunk usually are, Mega-Corporations, A super connected world, and Cyber-space.

Dieselpunk

Now Dieselpunk... One of my favorite of the "Punk" genres. It is often seen as the the go
between atwixt Steampunk and Cyberpunk. Dieselpunk is to the 1910's-1940's, what Steampunk is to the Victorian Era. Dieselpunk usually centers around Pulp Style Adventuring, a la Indiana Jones, warfare, and discovery of forgotten knowledge. Based on the aesthetic of the Interwar Period, Jazz is the popular form of music, the economy is booming, and the bad guys are usually jack-booted, goose-stepping fascists.



Now onto Star Wars.

Yeah... Because Giant Robotic Camels... Completely Practical!

Awesome But Impractical: Dieselpunk is about big things! Big Buildings, Big Ships, Big Weapons, Big Cities, Big Money, Big Women, Big Fun! Star Wars has several examples of these. Coruscant, a planet that's one giant city. Star Destroyers, giant battleship-esc starcraft. AT-ATs, towering walkers. And probably the most notable, the Death Star. A moon-sized space station with enough power to destroy a planet.

Evil Fascists: The Imperial Uniforms have a distinct Nazi feel to them.

Dirt and Grime Everywhere!: George Lucas said he wanted the sets to feel "lived in". Thus the gritty and dirty look of Star Wars. I saw a picture somewhere on the interwebs stating, "Dieselpunk, Because steam wasn't gritty enough".

Hive of Scum and Villainy:  Okay, So I took the line from Star Wars...But seriosuly there is always a place where the hero is surrounded by gangsters, and criminals. Singapore in the Temple of Doom/ Mos Eisley on Tatooine!

Weaponry: The blasters of Star Wars are so Dieselpunk, I can't even! Basis for the props were actual firearms (duh...)! The C95 Mauser was the basis for the DL-44. The Stormtrooper Blaster Rifle was nothing more than an MG34. The Heavy Blaster Rifle carried by Stormtroopers was a Lewis Gun with some modifications! Don't believe me? Check it out on IMFDB here!

Boilerplate Starships: I really don't have much to say... Just look at them!

Space Combat = WWII Dogfight: The animatic for the Death Star Battle in ANH, was cut together from WWII Aerial combat footage... and the film replicated it almost shot for shot...
Death Star Battle
WWII Aerial Combat

News Bulletin: Current Writing Project and Jack/Rubi information!

Just so you know, I'm not dead. I know many of you are dying to know what happens next with Jack and Rubi. Here's the thing. I didn't really plan out what was going to happen. I was just letting the story evolve. Big mistake, I suddenly didn't know what was going to happen, or where the story was going. So I stepped away from the Cyberpunk setting and returned to my roots to write Fantasy. This began the writing of "A Saga of Blood and Steel" (working title, obviously). Now I got to a point where I was like, "Let's take a look at the Cyberpunk story again. So I began to take notes on what I liked about the world I was spining and the things I didn't like. The "Like" list was surprisingly short, comprising of, Jack, Cordell, Rubi, Cal, Jenn, CommNet/InfoNet, and the idea that one person/ or a few select people control everything; A new world order as it were. That was about it. So I began to redesign the world, pushing the story from 2043 to 2184, and rethinking what I thought about the future.

Here's the rundown:

Earth is dying, we have used up most of our resources and pollution is rampant. Most food is "manufactured" in laboratories. We have formed colonies on many of the planetoids in our solar system (Mars, Moons of Jupiter and Saturn) and even in other solar systems. Massive Cities stretch across continents and the government is pretty much a facade. The real power is held by DG International, more often referred to as "The Corporation", who controls everything, the Civil Service, manufacturing, distributing, etc.

Food is manufactured in labs and then distributed. Now there are numerous 'Take-out restaurants" that grow their own food, which are extremely popular among the lower classes. Meat is reserved for the highest of the high class due to it's expensive manufacturing process; so Tofu, Tempeh, and Seitan are common. Protein Packs have become a staple in most households since they are cheap and have an extended shelf-life.

Due to the boom in the Asian populations in the 2040s with the Chinese Government repealing the One-Child policy in 2041, and the Japanese Government putting in place the Anti-Celibacy Act in 2043, Asian culture spread rapidly into the Western World. Mandarin quickly over took English as the business language of the world, and the Yuan/Yen (¥) became the World Currency. It is common for signs to be written in English, Hanzi and Kanji. This combination of languages eventually gave birth to a street language called Rikujin-ko, which is a combination Mandarin, Japanese and Korean.

Due to war and pollution many parts of the world became uninhabitable, forcing many people to move into the massive cities that span thousands of miles. This brought various crime syndicates into conflict, such as the Italian Mafia, Yakuza, Irish Mob, and the Triad. These crime syndicates continue to battle for turf in the megalopolis'.
Due to the rampant crime, cameras are everywhere in the City. Some people believe that the Corporation is using these cameras for other reasons than simply controlling crime.

Now with DG International having a monopoly on everything, has led to some unsavory events. A radical anarchist group of hackers called the "Free Network Coalition" (FNC), originally a peaceful group has begun "terrorist operations" attacking Corporation Facilities and Buildings with no regard to collateral damage. This has sparked a bloody and brutal conflict between the Trigger-Men of the Agency (hired by DG Int'l) and the FNC.


Keep an eye out for any posts featuring the updated Jack and Rubi Story!

Why "A Song of Ice and Fire" has Ruined Traditional Fantasy for Me

So most people have heard of HBO's "Game of Thrones" series based upon George R.R. Martin's epic fantasy series "A Song of Ice and Fire". ASoIaF is based around the conflict engulfing the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. It involves Intrigue, Murder, War, Sex, all mixed in with magic and dragons. All this has been combined masterfully into a sweeping epic of vast proportions, spanning hundreds of characters and viewpoints.

Now I was late to the party, discovering a Game of Thrones after the end of Season 2. I began watching the show and was immediately drawn into the world. I fell in love with the gritty realism of the world and how it showed "real" characters each with flaws and desires. Nothing was as it seemed. No one is safe.  In the words of Cersei Lannister, "When you play the game of thrones you win or you die... There is no middle ground."
Now before you say "Oh the books are so much better than the show". I still am in the process of reading the books, I am on "A Feast for Crows". Also, shut up. The show has exposed more people to the world of Westeros than if they had remained books. And if they really wanted to have the full experience I would encourage them to pick up the books and read them.

Being a history buff, the rich mythology and histories that make up the world of Westeros and Essos, gave me immense joy. Having loved reading Tolkien and his wonderful mythos woven for Middle Earth,  discovering the past of Westeros has been wonderful experience.

Now, onto my point. In the world of Westeros, there is NO good or evil (Not including the Others). Only varying shades of grey. Life or Death... Survival. Now I have been playing D&D, and other various RPGs for about six years now and a well known staple of D&D is the Alignment Chart. The Alignment Chart places every character into a strict, well... Alignment. The Character has no ability to act outside of their Alignment under threat of being turned evil, in which causes them to be hunted down and killed. Because Evil is bad.

Now, while reading aSoIaF and other various genres, I have become disenfranchised with the strict alignment system. Being forced to choose "Chaotic Neutral" Alignment, to allow my character to make choices that can be perceived as good or evil depending on the situation.  Having a character that choses based on their experiences and emotions, makes for a more interesting character to play and read. Even an Evil person does not think he/she is doing evil.

Example: I'm playing a character who constantly is seeking the answer to a question posed to him by a colleague who disappeared. The question, "What is the Truth?". My character wants to better the world by finding out the Truth. He genuinely wants to help, though he does so his own way. So I assigned him the example of Chaotic Good.  Now my character is a Wizard of the Divination School. He has spent numerous years of his life staring into the stars asking himself what is out there? He as spent so much time trying to learn "The Truth" from "The Stars" (a mystical force who he believes provides him with his visions and glimpses), that he has forgotten his own age, saying, "Somewhere between 100 and 500." Now this line of thought has driven him to believing in Chaos. He has become in awe of the vastness of the cosmos and the unpredictable surf of reality. Because of this, he thinks in grand terms while still holding on the the smaller things. He just made "friends" with a miserable little urchin on a dismal isle.

Now this character would rather uncover a great mystery, even if it meant the destruction of a civilization. To him this would be even more great of a gift because to him, that brings him one more step closer to the Truth which he plans to use to bring the world into an "Age of Light". Is this wrong in his eyes? No. He thinks he is helping the people of Faerun.

But this is generally considered a Chaotic act and would fall under the Chaotic Neutral Alignment.

In the words of George R.R. Martin,

"I love fantasy and I’ve been reading it all my life, but I’m also very conscious of its flaws. One of the things that drives me crazy is the externalization of evil, where evil comes from the “Dark Lord” who sits in his dark palace with his dark minions who all wear black and are very ugly. I’ve deliberately played with that, where you have the Night’s Watch who even though they are filled with thieves and poachers and rapers are heroic people — but they all wear black. And then there are the Lannisters who are tall and fair but aren’t the nicest people."

This. This is why traditional fantasy has become so dull to me. I know who the BBEG is. He's that asshole sitting up in his spiky black tower or fortress, surrounded by hordes of Orcs, demons and other nasty beasts. That's no fun. It's more interesting to not know who the bad guy is. In our world, there is no BBEG. Just people. People trying to survive.

This is why George R.R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" has ruined fantasy for me. It has made me wish for something more real. Which has in turn influenced my own writing style.

Remember, Valar Morghulis, "All men must die".

What If...

http://www.aspergerrus.com/asperger-cards.html

I've been thinking. What if I didn't have Aspergers? What would my life have been like. Well for starters, I probably wouldn't have been interested in Legos, Fantasy, Science Fiction. I probably wouldn't have been interested in playing Dungeons and Dragons. I probably would not have asked my friend about D&D that morning, in Chemistry Class, during my Junior year of high school.

 If I hadn't done that, I would never have met all the wonderful people in my life. I probably would have gone to college, gotten a degree, and gotten a job somewhere. I would probably have a girlfriend. But instead I dropped out of college my second semester, I became invested in gaming. I met the best sort of people. People that make life interesting. People that I can truly love. If it wasn't for Aspergers, I wouldn't have discovered any of that. It brings tears to my eyes that if I didn't have Aspergers, I probably wouldn't have met any of the people I hold so close to my heart. I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing this, I'd probably be off at some university writing a paper or studying.

I almost definitely would have been able to support myself...

Even though I wish I could have all those things, I've realized that if by some miracle I could magically not have Aspergers and live in a world where I understood social situations, a world where I was neurotypical. I wouldn't trade that for the world. Aspergers has given me a unique gift. My friends. No, my family. Vixy and Tony I think said it best:

But them that run with me's got my back 

It's a fool don't know that his family's his crew

If I didn't have Aspergers... I can't imagine... I'm proud to say, I have Aspergers, and I wouldn't trade that for the world, because this is who I am.

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/077/9/7/aspergers_by_miissrowena-d4t4keb.png

Announcement!

Black Leather and Blackmail will be placed on hold due to trouble figuring out how to write the next couple of issues.  Issue #7 will be released and possibly Issue #8. I apologize, but the Jack and Rubi stories are usually written and then uploaded. I will try to continue Black Leather and Blackmail as soon as possible.

Don't fret! A new Jack O'Callahan Mystery is in the works; titled, "Death by Diamonds and Pearls", featuring robbery and murder!  Also, you should go and give Katy Ann some love. She's a wonderful young woman and has provided a few pictures that will accompany the issues! Not to mention she's absolutely stunning!



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Please support me on Patreon! Donations are on a monthly basis, so you can make sure you don't go over your carefully constructed budget! Every donation is a step to my goal of being able to write full time! Help me realize my goal here!

Thoughts on the Matter: Horror Stories in Fiction and Film

A great horror writer [H.P. Lovecraft] once said, "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." I agree.

While I might not be afraid of the dark itself. I do fear the things that lurk in the dark. The things that I cannot see. Fear is one the most powerful emotion that exists. We fear loss, death, pain, solitude, etc. 

I myself don't enjoy most horror films. Now when I say 'horror films' I'm referring to the monster movies, and slasher flicks. I am easily startled by sudden movements and loud noises, so jump scares basically give me cardiac arrest. Now the kinds of horror that I do love are the ones that make you think, the ones that take real life and make you think, 'oh my god, that could actually be real.'  The films that are more psychological and cause you to think. 

Cabin in the Woods is a great example of that. While it is technically a spoof of the horror genre, It combines the typical horror story with an element of Cosmic Horror. Also anything Joss Whedon has any role in is pure gold.


Horror in literature is completely different from film, in the idea that it can't rely on timing and terrifying imagery. It relies on the basis that a person's imagination will scare them more than anything else. Mary Shelly and Bram Stoker, while labeled by most people as 'Horror', in my opinion are not in my paradigm of horror as the stories don't scare me. To me they are Gothic Fiction.

Horror books to me are the writings of H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, and Steven King. Those stories to me are terrifying because they make me think, or they tell the stories that discuss the perversion of the human mind.

 

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Please support me on Patreon! Donations are on a monthly basis, so you can make sure you don't go over your carefully constructed budget! Every donation is a step to my goal of being able to write full time! Help me realize my goal here!

Something I Realized While Being With Friends

Alright. Here I am once again. Home from a night of socialization. I feel annoyed, confused, disappointed, and a couple of other feelings that I can't name at the moment. Ever since being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I have become increasingly aware of what I do, say and think. Unfortunately this has caused my thoughts to race, and to give me a lot of stress.

Am I talking to much? 

Should I ask about them? 

What should I ask? 

What if it is a touchy subject? 

Maybe I should shut up now. 

But I want to tell someone about this idea/story/world I came up with.

This is the truth of my life. A constant whirl of questions and thoughts. I often come to the same idea or sequence of events, "When can I go home? How to I dismiss myself. I just want to be alone." It's terrible because I want to be with these people... but I don't understand them, and they don't understand me.

Realization? I am an outsider among outsiders.

My friend's are the folks that are typically branded as geeks, nerds, eccentric, bookworms, weirdos, etc. But even though we share so much in common, They cannot begin to imagine what is happening in my head and I can't comprehend what is going on in theirs. Thus my realization...

My mind works on a whole different level of insane, which out comes the stories that I publish here and those that I don't share. A level where I see a problem and I see a solution or method that no one else sees. A level where I see details that no one else noticed. I tend to only consider my own ideas, never taking into account what someone says. How could they match up to my perfectly calculated plan? I see the world so differently to everyone else, how could I consider what someone else says? They are obviously to dumb to see the truth that is right in front of their nose. IT'S SO CLEAR! SHUT UP AND LISTEN AND LOOK! CAN'T YOU HEAR IT!? CAN'T YOU SEE!?

No. No you can't because you cant even begin to think like I do; to see as I do. But I wish you could. I wish for one day, you could look at the world from my eyes. If only... Only then you could understand... Only then you could realize why I do what I do. It's not something I can turn on and off. Though I wish I could.

I do not focus on the negative side of it. Which appears to be how it comes off as. I only wish to explain. Explain how I feel. I love who I am. I can do things that you can't imagine. I just wish to share. But what's the point of sharing if you can't understand.

You should definitely go check out this article: 10 Things You Should Know About "Aspies" It might provide some idea how I work.

Frozen's "Let It Go"- Why It Resonated With Me

I recently watched Disney's Frozen for the first time. The movie struck home for me. Something about Elsa's story just grabbed me. I saw elements of myself in her. We all know the song "Let It Go". There have been dozens of parodies and fan versions. But when I heard it, the lyrics had a deep resonance. So I thought I would go through the lyrics and highlight the parts that for me in particular hit so hard, and explain why. Now it's really hard to put into words, the exact emotion that the song gave me. I don't have words for it. This is the best I can do.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I'm the queen.

As someone with Aspergers, I definitely have the feeling that I live in a world of isolation. A world where I see things so different than other people, that they can't even begin to understand what is going through my head.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried!

So, I often have the feeling that there is a mass of frustration constantly pulsating inside me. I try to keep it under wraps, keeping it hidden. But sometimes I can't control it anymore, and it bursts forth like a river breaking a dam.

I don't care
What they're going to say

Sometimes I think I care too much. I wish I could just not care about what people say about me. Though, I really don't care what people think of my writing. My writing is something that for me is a powerful expression of how I feel or how I view things.

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all!

I often tend to run away to a special place when I become stressed. There I am safe from everything, the monsters in the dark, the creeping fear of not knowing what is coming next. 

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!

When I put my mind to something, or I get an idea in my head, this is exactly how I think. There is nothing to stop me. Also when I write I have no rules for what I can and can't say. It's just me, the blank page and my mind. I am free; free from social constraints, free to do what I want. 

Thoughts on the Matter: Deadpool Test Footage

Recently leaked was the Deadpool Test footage. I can not begin to explain how excited I am to see this. Now there have been several articles already written about the test video, so I'm not going to look at it bit by bit, and talk about the whole deal with Fox (still mad at them for canceling Firefly). Now when the footage was leaked it was low quality and fairly short, I didn't get to see this due to Fox pulling down all the videos. Now I have only seen the HD upload which is fucking amazing.

Now I was introduced to Deadpool by a friend maybe two years ago. I have never been really big into comic books, though I have enjoyed reading the Dark Horse Star Wars comics; the Aliens, Predator, and ultimately the Aliens Vs. Predator comics published by the same company. I downloaded the Deadpool comics from the 90's. I instantly fell in love with the character. The "Merc With the Mouth" was a character that I never really saw in my narrow expanse of comic book knowledge
First off, he was bat-shit crazy. With essentially three minds in his head, he was an amazing strategist. He was a smart-ass and would often psych out his foes.
Secondly, he wasn't afraid to kill someone. He used guns, bombs, swords, and basically whatever he felt like it.

Now I know that there are probably other Comic book characters that do the same thing. But like I said, I'm not a big comic book nerd/geek/fan.

Back to the Video:
As I watched it, I noticed a few things that made me squeal like a schoolgirl.

1. Deadpool is voiced and mo-capped by Ryan Reynolds 
2. Deadpool is writing/drawing/coloring with crayons.
3. He breaks the 4th Wall in the first fifteen seconds of the video.
4. The continuous stream of smart-ass comments.
5. The language is in line with what I know of Deadpool.
6. The violence!

Now there is a huge conversation on the internet about how the Deadpool movie should be rated-R. I completely agree, on the premise Deadpool wouldn't be Deadpool if the film was rated PG-13. From what I've read, Ryan Reynolds and Tim Miller (Director) are pushing for an R rating. But it seems like the studio is hesitant to make an R rated 'superhero' movie since the 'Dredd' flopped in the box office.

Now here are my thoughts on the matter, Deadpool is not Judge Dredd. Deadpool appears to have a bigger fan base. So I think that the film would score a large profit.

*****

Link Dump:

• Screen Rant: http://screenrant.com/deadpool-test-footage-leaked-ryan-reynolds.
• Entertainment.ie: http://entertainment.ie/cinema/news/Watch-Deadpool-test-footage-has-been-officially-released/276777.htm
• What Culture: http://whatculture.com/film/8-things-you-need-to-know-about-the-leaked-deadpool-test-footage.php
• NerdREP: http://nerdrepository.com/deadpool-test-footage-official-release/
• Dark Horse: http://www.darkhorse.com/
• Marvel: http://marvel.com/

Picture Source: http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/full/funny-pictures-Deadpool-auto-403641.jpeg

The World of "The Wilderlands" (USA 2043)

So, I already posted an article detailing what the world of Chicago 2043 is like. But I got to thinking, What is the rest of the world like? The eastern seaboard is one giant metropolis just like Chicago.  California is now called California City.  Now the plains and scrubland of the West has devolved into what can only be described as the Wild West. The expanse is simply called the "Wilderlands".

Technology is not as prevalent in the Wilderlands as in the cities but there is a basic level, CommNet has coverage through out the Wilderlands, though InfoNet is only available in major cities.  Salt Lake City and Devner are the major metropolis centers in the whole Wilderlands.   Railways criss cross the Wilderlands transporting cargo and passengers between the three "Mega-Cities'".

People of the Wilderlands are tough and hardy people. Incredibly private but polite people, most barely scrape by and many take up arms to defend what they own and love. Horses, and carriages are the easiest form of transportation and many people make a living on farms or ranches.

Rouge bandits, gangs, and vagabonds roam the Wilderlands raiding and pillaging settlements and trains. Though the wanderers of the Wilderlands are dangerous, even the hardest of gunslingers and bandits are scared of the "Hinyanzka". Ruthless Savages, believed to be descended from the Native peoples. It is said that the Hinjanzka were effected by radiation that made them into murderous cannibals. Most people say that they are old-wive's tales; ghost stories to make sure children are home by sundown. But for the people that live out on the Wilderlands the Hinjanzka are a very real thing.

Picture Credit: http://cdn.wegotthiscovered.com/wp-content/uploads/the+dark+tower.jpg

Most of My Friends are Older than Me (and I wouldn't trade them for anyone)

http://the-toast.net/okay/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gentlemen.jpg

Due to some current events that have transpired. I have realized that I enjoy the company of people older than me. No offense to people of the same age as me, this is completely exclusive to the people I know. I find that people my age (I'm 19, turning 20 in July) are frustrating and annoying (Once again, no offense to the people of my age). Now I do have several people my age that I do enjoy hanging out with. But they are in the minority. Using the phrase "Lost hope in Humanity" is a bit of an understatement for some of these people. The people that I do enjoy are usually loads older than me. My best friend and roommate is twenty five. I love having discussions with the Historical War-gamers at The Wyvren's Tale, most of which are wonderful older chaps. I guess that my maturity level is very high. I love that I am able to be silly and people older than me laugh.

They all have differing backgrounds and wisdom to share, and even though that I am years younger, I might even have some wisdom that they don't have. I have never had a dull conversation with my friends, and I am thankful for this. My friends seem to have no drama. Though it might come up. But usually it is a minor event and it doesn't effect group dynamics.

The World of "Chicago 2043"

I like this picture. It shows the detective type character, though I picture "Chicago 2043" with a lower tech level.

It has been brought to my attention by a couple of people that I know, that the setting of "The Jack O'Callahan Mysteries" is not very "futuristic". Mentioning that it doesn't feel like it takes place in the year 2043 ce. So I thought that I would write this article explaining the setting and the world a little bit. The story of "The Jack O'Callahan Mysteries" is not about the technology. It takes place in a high-tech society but what the story is truly about is the people. Jack isn't a fan of technology and prefers the tried and true "gumshoe method". Now this doesn't mean that he is completely inept when it comes to computers. He knows how to search "InfoNet" and how to use "CommNet". He just prefers not too.

My stories take place in a city that is referred to as "Chicago". In my vision, the cities of Chicago IL, Madison WI, Milwaukee WI, Green Bay WI, Minneapolis MN, Detroit MI, Indianapolis IN, Columbus OH, and Cleveland OH, have all grown and merged into one mega-metropolis. Whether or not this is realistic considering the time frame between 2014 and 2043 is irrelevant. Perhaps in this timeline the cities were bigger to begin with, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it that much. Though I probably will at a later date. It's not important currently.

The world is controlled by a few mega-corporations. The biggest being the DG International. They are involved with everything from bio-engineering to day to day computers. The second largest is the Simeon Corporation. (I haven't thought much about them. I created Simeon Corp. when searching for a corporation for Jenn to have worked at. It is also named after a friend of mine.) The third, is Grove Technologies which has been brought up in The Curious Death of Mr. Grove Issue #1, when Maxine Grove, the CEO's daughter hires Jack to investigate her fathers death. There is the Haifong Conglomerate, who was taken over by the DG International, ten years before The Curious Death of Mr. Grove. Strangely enough most of the employees of the Haifong Conglomerate "dropped of the grid" after the take over. Just vanished and disappeared over night. Speculation is that the DG International hired Trigger-Men, from the para-military contracting company, Odin's Gate Security. This event is commonly referred to as the "Haifong Massacre".

In 2021 there was a break through in plastic surgery. People could now undergo a procedure to make themselves look different. Pointed ears, fangs, tails, and other animalistic features could be added to your body. The people that chose to undergo this procedure are called "Exotics".

Neural Implants are somethings that various bio-mech pharmaceutical companies are researching. Robotic arms, limbs, and body parts are available, though extremely expensive, though veterans are able to obtain these through the G.I. Bill; but only if they sustained a combat related injury. 

There are groups of hackers, called "Runners". Runners break into corporations and steal any number of things, programs, information, data, whatever. Some are anarchists, that believe in a free information system, where as others do it as a freelance job. Runners are skilled at breaking into servers and buildings, they bridge the gap between the digital and physical world. Each runner is different. Different methods, and different goals. They rarely use their real names, for fear of the corporations finding out who they truly are. They often have nicknames such as, "RedLady", "CyberWarlord", and "BinaryFlynn".

Several languages are spoken through out Chicago. The major ones are Mandarin and Japanese. Though many others are spoken such as, Italian, Russian, German, and Spanish. Lots of words and phrases from all the languages are understood by most people. It is not unusual for people to be fluent in at least one other language besides English.

Picture Source: http://www.thegnomonworkshop.com/news/2013/07/improve-your-skills-as-an-artist-by-brushing-up-on-graphic-design-basics/dystopia-cyberpunk_00353178/

Thank You for Reading! Here's a preview of Issue #3!

     Jack found himself outside of the ‘Jia Ren Gentleman’s Club’. The neon lights of the club reflected off the soaked pavement. The rain had let up for the moment, though the dark clouds over head threatened to pour down buckets at any moment. Jack took a deep breath and entered the club. 

Why I Enjoy Writing Mystery/Crime stories.

Source: http://samron.deviantart.com/art/Lovers-341215748

So, I have discovered that I love writing mystery and crime stories. But why? Well first off it is incredibly easy. You take the crime and figure out exactly what happens. From there you come up scenes revolving around characters discovering clues. This allows the reader to piece together the clues as they read. Letting them figure out what is going on with the characters.

Secondly; it might be that I have a sadistic side, but I love coming up with ways to commit a murder. (To the NSA Operatives reading this, I am just a writer) The psychology of why someone kills is fascinating. There is usually a reason; lust, greed, hate, anger, contracts, etc. But sometimes there isn't. Maybe the perpetrator could be mentally deranged or psychotic. Something I hope to explore later.

I often find myself walking down the street and I pass an alley, and I think, "Huh, that would be a good place for a murder. Then I take pictures so I can describe the area later.