(Online) Dating

Lo! Here we have one of the most baffling, bewildering, complicated, perplexing and upsetting thing ever, dating and relationships.

Dating is fucking bizarre. Since I don't enjoy going to bars or anywhere with a lot of people, the whole thing of meeting new people doesn't really happen. Even if I see someone attractive at the coffee shop or at my friends store, how do I approach them? What do I say? How do I begin a conversation? So, instead of becoming stressed, I just keep my mouth shut and absorb myself into whatever I was doing at the time. After a while I decided to take up online dating. It had to be easier than actually meeting people in person. Right?

WRONG! Online dating is even more complicated and confusing. At least the way I see it. You are plunged into a world of arbitrary statements, self-advertising, answering stupid questions so that you can be "matched" with someone who is "compatible".

So here is something that is part of the Profile, "You should message me if:". This section is filled with statements like, "If you can grow a beard", "If you aren't an asshole", "If you have tattoos", and numerous other autocratic statements. How do you know if you aren't an asshole? Search me.

Another thing I've noticed. People keep saying they want honesty in a potential mate. Believe me when I say, "I am over qualified to fill that position." I have some restraint after years of getting into trouble for simply telling things how they are.

I've been on Ok Cupid for about a two years now, and Plenty of Fish for just about 7-8 months, with little to show for it. I've gone on a few dates, but they've never really lead anywhere.

I keep having acquaintances and friends tell me that I'm interesting, or I'm attractive. Well... They're obviously lying. Because according to my success rate in dating in general, I am the most hideously, ugly, horrible, monstrous, repulsive being on the planet. Yeah, I'm not buff, "swoll", or even thin. I know I'm a overweight, and am taking steps to rectify that.

So If anyone has the answer to that ever elusive enigma that is dating.... GIMME! Because I'm sick of this whole fumbling charade I keep playing.