Different

Let’s see. Where should I begin? 

Well, I always knew I was different. I wasn’t like the other children; I rarely made eye contact, I preferred to read opposed to play outside. To me that was normal. As I grew older I struggled to find my place… Hell, even now, I still don’t know where I should be. But I do one thing…

I know who I am. I can do things most people can’t. But yet again, I can’t do things most people can. I don’t like to say, “I have Aspergers” or, “I am Autistic,” because it doesn’t feel like that. I don’t know what it feels like. I prefer to say I have been gifted with something that doctors refer to as Aspergers. A lot of people seem to think that Aspergers or Autism, means that there is something wrong with the diagnosed person. Nothing is wrong with me, or anyone else on the spectrum. We are just a bit different.

Different… In my short twenty years on this bizarre and alien place we like to call Earth, I have learned some interesting things. Society seems to praise brilliance and innovation in just about every field. They praise; hell, glorify even, the people who think outside of the box. Just to name a few, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, JFK, Tesla, Darwin, and Einstein. All of these people were different, they make you think, they challenge your preconceived notion of reality. They pushed society forward, forcing us to change. They made you listen to what they had to say.  I have a few words out to describe these people, extraordinary, interesting, brilliant, amazing, fantastic, intelligent, creative, and innovative. 

I watched this video titled, “Rosie King: How autism freed me to be myself”. This is probably one of my favorite videos explaining what Autism is like. This little British girl gave me the words to explain what it feels like. My favorite point she brings up is that people try to fit everything into these tiny little boxes with specific labels.  Why? Because even though, we as humanity praise the extraordinary people who have changed the world for the better, we are fucking terrified of anything new or different. Humanity is programmed to hate anything different. It is a savage hangover from our primal pasts, and because of this we try to force out anything or anyone that might cause unrest. We all try to be “normal”. We hate anything bizarre, strange, queer, or different…

Normal. What does “normal” mean? According to Dictionary.com, Normal as an adjective means, “conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural,” -or- “serving to establish a standard,” -or- in Psychology, “approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment,” -or- “free from any mental disorder; sane.” 

Sounds rather boring to me. But according to what I have seen and experienced; being made fun of for: being interested in dragons, elves, and goblins, being bad at most sports, loving the idea of traveling through space and discovering new and exciting places, not being interested in anonymous sex, etc… Normal must be the greatest compliment someone should ever be given. Right? 

Oh contraire, the compliments we give are along of the lines are, “You are amazing,” “That was awesome!” What if someone told you, “You are really normal!” It’s laughable, because no one does that! We praise the extraordinary but then we cut down those who are different because they are different. 

Just look at homosexuals and transexuals. The LGBT people that I know are some of the best people I know. They are loads more interesting than a lot of the people I periodically come into contact with. Here we have these incredibly different people, and guess what? They can’t get married. They are cast out by their own families and friends, just for being a little bit different. Do they not bleed when they get cut? Do they not breath the same air as everyone else? Are they not human beings? Then why do we prosecute these people? Why do we try to make them into this thing called “normal”? Oh, because they like to have sex with members of their own gender? Because they aren’t happy with their gender and want to change it? What?! 

Why does it matter that Jim likes to have sex with guys? Why does it matter that Lisa likes to sleep with girls? Why does it matter that Jackson/Jackie isn’t comfortable in their own skin and they are taking the steps to become comfortable? Guess what? It doesn’t. 

The same goes for people on the Autism Spectrum. Here we are, being made fun of not because of who we like to have sexy-fun-time with, but because we look at things differently, or we don’t behave exactly like everyone else. People on the spectrum are as diverse as everyone else in the world. Not one of us are exactly the same. We are as diverse as fingerprints or snowflakes. We share a lot of the same traits, but we are all unique. We just want to be accepted the way we are.

Every day I go through a titanic struggle. I have to fight through every second of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month. I have to live with a persistent feeling of doom, anguish, and terror. Am I exaggerating? Probably, though not by much. It’s not as easy as one might think. I hate hearing that “life isn’t fair.” No shit, life isn’t fair. You can easily talk to someone, when I don’t even know how even begin. You can go to the supermarket with out having to mentally prepare yourself. Imagine if you will, that every second of the day you are scared; scared that you might make someone angry, scared that you might be singled out, scared that you might run into someone you know, terrified you might accidentally do something wrong. Yeah, life isn’t fair.