Listen

Here is something that I seem to be saying a lot recently. Listen. Just listen!

I like to talk. You can ask my parents, who have spent countless hours of their lives listening to my blather on and on about what ever is going on my head. Bless them. As an Aspie, I think the biggest compliment anyone could ever give me is letting me express my creativity how I want, when I want, and where I want. I have these imaginary worlds that I just want to show people, and the only way for me to share is for someone to listen.

I like to push the envelope. I’m incredibly keen on seeing how far I can take something; just how much can the branch take before completely shattering into a bazillion splinters. Why? I’ve asked myself that exact question numerous times. The conclusion I’ve come up with is: 

“I enjoy pushing the envelope because I know the reaction I’m going to receive. If there is anything I have mastered via my social ineptness is how to get a negative reaction from people. I know that if I tell someone about this demonic creature I’ve come up with, that all the creatures are male, and the only way for them to reproduce is to impregnate a human female. After being implanted, the embryo grows quickly over the course of twenty-four hours. Once it is fully grown, it proceeds to claw its way out of the woman’s vagina causing extreme laceration and ultimately death, they are going to have some sort of negative reaction.”

You’re squirming aren’t you? Is your face is contorted into a grimace of horror and disgust? Good! Because that’s the desired effect. 

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’m sadistic. Not in a S&M type way. What I mean by sadistic is that I love to watch people becoming paranoid or nervous. I enjoy playing games that allow for me to watch someone’s face as the paranoia of not knowing or uncertainty washes over them like a great wave. Probably because it’s a similar feeling that I get on a daily basis. 

But back to being listened to. 

I hate being ignored. For me to be ignored is one of the biggest insults. This has happened several times when I message people on OK Cupid. Things will be going so well, but as soon as the figure out that something isn’t quite right about me… “Nope, not talking to him anymore.” Because of this, I wrote up a copy and paste message so that I can explain that I have been diagnosed with Aspergers, and explaining my various ticks and quirks.

Here is the message: 

“Hey, how's it going? I'm Galen. I'm going to be honest here because I'm so sick of people finding out later and then completely writing me off as damaged, or think that something is wrong with me.

I have been diagnosed with Aspergers, a high functioning form of Autisim. What that means is that sometimes, well most of the time, I don't understand social situations and customs. I'm stupidly brutally honest; I'm not trying to be mean though... I look at the world differently. I often retreat into my own world. Sometimes I just don't have words to express my ideas. I like routines. I have the tendency to go on and on about one thing, as I assume this message is going to turn out as.

I constantly wish to be "normal", and then I ask myself "What is normal?" Just because I've been made fun of for enjoying worlds where magic exists, or because I don't conform to societies narrow view of "normal". Asking me to be "normal" is kinda like telling someone who's gay to just start liking the opposite sex. 

Nothing is wrong with me. This is just how I am. I'm caring, creative, and understanding, and brutally forcibly honest. 

Sorry about the several paragraphs but after talking with people for a while, and then I tell them I'm diagnosed with Aspergers, they ignore me. So I figured it would be better to nip it in the bud and tell someone in the first message.”

This allows me to figure out who is willing to listen to what I have to say, and not just write me off because I’m a wee different.