Something I Realized While Being With Friends

Alright. Here I am once again. Home from a night of socialization. I feel annoyed, confused, disappointed, and a couple of other feelings that I can't name at the moment. Ever since being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I have become increasingly aware of what I do, say and think. Unfortunately this has caused my thoughts to race, and to give me a lot of stress.

Am I talking to much? 

Should I ask about them? 

What should I ask? 

What if it is a touchy subject? 

Maybe I should shut up now. 

But I want to tell someone about this idea/story/world I came up with.

This is the truth of my life. A constant whirl of questions and thoughts. I often come to the same idea or sequence of events, "When can I go home? How to I dismiss myself. I just want to be alone." It's terrible because I want to be with these people... but I don't understand them, and they don't understand me.

Realization? I am an outsider among outsiders.

My friend's are the folks that are typically branded as geeks, nerds, eccentric, bookworms, weirdos, etc. But even though we share so much in common, They cannot begin to imagine what is happening in my head and I can't comprehend what is going on in theirs. Thus my realization...

My mind works on a whole different level of insane, which out comes the stories that I publish here and those that I don't share. A level where I see a problem and I see a solution or method that no one else sees. A level where I see details that no one else noticed. I tend to only consider my own ideas, never taking into account what someone says. How could they match up to my perfectly calculated plan? I see the world so differently to everyone else, how could I consider what someone else says? They are obviously to dumb to see the truth that is right in front of their nose. IT'S SO CLEAR! SHUT UP AND LISTEN AND LOOK! CAN'T YOU HEAR IT!? CAN'T YOU SEE!?

No. No you can't because you cant even begin to think like I do; to see as I do. But I wish you could. I wish for one day, you could look at the world from my eyes. If only... Only then you could understand... Only then you could realize why I do what I do. It's not something I can turn on and off. Though I wish I could.

I do not focus on the negative side of it. Which appears to be how it comes off as. I only wish to explain. Explain how I feel. I love who I am. I can do things that you can't imagine. I just wish to share. But what's the point of sharing if you can't understand.

You should definitely go check out this article: 10 Things You Should Know About "Aspies" It might provide some idea how I work.